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mccullen

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[27 Sep 2008|10:38pm]
You are a

Social Liberal
(65% permissive)

and an...

Economic Liberal
(11% permissive)

You are best described as a:

Socialist




Link: The Politics Test on Ok Cupid
Also : The OkCupid Dating Persona Test
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4 comments|post comment

Preview: McCullen Fall '08, or 'WWJFKD' [16 Sep 2008|01:01am]
Hi!

haven't seen you in a while!

here is some things i am wearing. need to find an according winter coat. cropped pref. you can help? SRSLY THNX.



what would JFK do? in case you didn't get the titular acronym.
2 comments|post comment

lighten ups, its jokes! [07 Jul 2008|11:21pm]
Um, so I just threw up because, hey, apparently a dinner consisting of a quarter pounder and a chicken snackwrap is not best washed down with an entire pot of hot irish breakfast tea. This sets the stage for the following exchange.

mccullen: (emerges from bathroom)

guy who just moved into my house: hey, are you alright?

mccullen: what? oh, that. gotta stay skinny somehow!

GWJMIMH: ...

mccullen: haha, am i right?

GWJMIMH: ...
3 comments|post comment

2 snapz up! [27 Apr 2008|12:21am]
i went for a walk today, which was supposed to have been a seven mile affair rather than a 12 mile one, but, hey- i hadn't eaten yet and my brain resides in my trousers; what do you expect? anyway, i took some snapz.



for more thrilling snapz click here!Collapse )
7 comments|post comment

last five things i Googled [22 Apr 2008|01:55am]
wizard tattoo
dance belt
jonas brothers
steak n shake
warsong gulch
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i don't actually know why [05 Apr 2008|11:55pm]
but this is still my favorite picture on the internet:



YAY!
2 comments|post comment

A Saturday in Poetry [30 Mar 2008|12:10am]
journey
four miles walked uphill
the strip mall glows with promise
palais de le bourgeois.

market
guy checking me out
in the pasta aisle- so gross.
dude, no 'sauce' for you.

restaurant
chicken selects meal
sick! who destroyed the bathroom?!
take this food to go.

cafe
six cups of earl grey
hands shake uncontrollably
cashier says "Drink slower."

journey 2
four miles walked downhill
tea-induced aneurysm
would seem imminent

bedchamber
light scented candles
slip into silk robe...(really
more of a caftan)

fin
a box of sweet wine
and the wide world of warcraft;
i sense your envy
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'Scenes from the AATA 10,' or 'The Sage of Ceylon' [19 Mar 2008|01:01am]


mccullen: Goddamnit, where is the goddamned bus. Ugh, here comes some old fat guy (immerses self in book).
old fat guy: Excuse me, when comes the bus?
mccullen: [Looks up.] I don't know, sorry.
old guy: Ah, I thought you would know [points to the book I am reading because reading outdoors naturally renders me a sundial.]
old guy: What the temperature is?
mccullen: It is 28. Tonight it's gonna be between ten and fifteen, with winds up to 25.
old guy: Mmm, you are used to this. Me? No.
mccullen: It is warmer where you are from?
old guy: Yes, Sri Lanka. It is warm all of the year. 70 degrees!
mccullen: Ah, Sri Lanka. [ed. note: Dude, I'm down with MIA. I salt and pepper my mango.] Are you from Colombo?
old guy: Yes! You have been to Sri Lanka?!
mccullen: Oh no, but lately it has been in the news a bit.
old guy: Yes, oh yes; the bombs. Unfortunately we suffer from a terrorist group that has a lot of power.
mccullen: You mean the Tamil Tigers?
old guy: Hmm, the Tigers... here is something I bet you don't know...do you know Indira Gandhi?
mccullen: The former prime minister...?
old guy: ...of India, yeah. Well, she gives, in secret, money- MILLIONS! to Tamil fighters. And you know what happens? They do a bomb! Takes her son. She gives them money and the bomb takes her son's life.
mccullen: Wow.
old guy: Yeah!! Eventually the Tigers, they take her too, but not direct. Not directly. You see? You do this kind of bad thing, you see this type of bad things come back to you; to you and your family.
mccullen: I guess you reap what you sow.
old guy: [sounding weirdly encouraged] Yes, it seems that way.
old guy: You know, I had a friend in Colombo, he was police officer. He was trying to catch a man- this man had killed a man- and the killer was caught and sentenced to death. At the last hour they asked him what he wanted to say, he could say anything, before he was killed, and he stand up and say- "I did not know this man. I did not kill this man... but... I have killed enough."
old guy: And he died quiet, he was not fighting.
mccullen:: Whooooah.
old guy: Yes. There you have it again.
mccullen: Here's the bus.

we got on the bus and the old guy took a seat near a hospital employee with smoker's lines around her mouth and a poor quality perm. he was quiet for about fifteen seconds before he turned to her and spoke.

old guy: Boy is it cold out today! How cold you think it is?

i smiled to myself and went back to my book.

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cc: everyone on earth [14 Jan 2008|01:50am]
Dear Mankind:

Today I printed a coursepack intended for a student named Breezy Mullins.
Yesterday I ran a coursepack for a girl who goes by 'Ashleigh Pillows.'

Please permit them to marry one another; many thanks.


Sincerely,

mccullen.

p.s. Breezy Pillows, let it be known that I expect at least one free night at your and your partner's Colorado B&B. And yes, I am most interested in Pottery for Beginners. Thank you for asking.
3 comments|post comment

POETRY SLAM [05 Oct 2007|01:29am]
so you are probably not aware of this, but i have been on a pretty major poetry kick lately. mostly romanian stuff, mid-60s to contemporary, with a little chinese mixed in for dericious eastern fravor. anyway, i got to thinking that maybe i should try my hand at the whole poetry thing, so here you go. i'm not sure how i feel about it yet...it gets a little personal, but then again, what is LJ for, you know?


GRANDMOTHER, YOU HAD SO MANY SECRETS
by McCullen


grandmother, you had so many secrets.
so many things i'll never know.
questions left unasked-
answers left unspoken

grandmother, you were a mystery.
who taught you how to make lingonberry jam?
how did you always know how to make my dresses fit just right
on this body that was always changing
always wrong
and where was it you really went when you said "Bingo night!"
as the screen door clacked shut
and what was up with all that HitlerJungend stuff
in your scrapbook

grandmother, you had strong hands.
nimble hands, sewing washcloths in the old towel factory
sturdy hands, showing the neighborhood girls how to pound schnitzel
swift hands, slapping my face after i asked
how you knew so much
about anti-aircraft artillery

grandmother, you taught me that i was beautiful.
you stood in the bread line for hours
and came home and dressed my hair for the Co-Ed Social.
you baked pies for the Schmidts' wedding all day
and somehow found the time to mend my stockings for church.
Six thirteen-hour shifts a week at the towel factory
and you still managed, as i began my homework (at sunset)
to scrub my hands with pumice and turpentine
the day that they integrated the school districts.

grandmother, you had so many secrets
so many things i'll never know.
yet this i know: somewhere, in some place
you are watching me- you are
with me.
in this place my secrets join with yours
and in that moment- in that
joining,
you realize that in college i dated a guy named Ari
and it was kind of serious
i know his parents liked me
and i also know
that if you could be here
now
with me
you would probably smash a jar
of lingonberry jam.

probably on my skull.
4 comments|post comment

happy seventh of july [08 Jul 2007|02:57am]
2:20 am:
got in a fistfight with four serious dudes outside the eight ball. got punched in the face a whole lot of times. my lip is busted and my eye stings

2:50 am
cab back to Billy's house; talked about sex a bunch. drank beer on the stoop. lots of toasting WHY IS MY MOUTH STILL BLEEDING

5:00 am-3:30 pm
unconscious

4:00 pm-4:04 pm
dlisted.com

4:05 pm-6:00 pm
xTube.com accidental porn click results in me seeing a dude doing horrible things to a sofa cushion. there may have been an innocent banana involved in this video as well; i cannot say more

7:00 pm
spent about four hours at the visiting carnival what's in town. nearly ralphed on the HI ROLLER. got called an "emo" by a 50-year-old carnie who questioned how long i thought i would last in a mosh pit at Ozzfest, and watched a 50+ person brawl erupt behind the dunk tank. fucking dunk tank clown made absolutely sure to crack either immigration or taco bell jokes whenever a central-american family walked by. horrible clown drank sparks the entire day. witnessed another carnie texting someone on his new iPhone. A FUCKING iPHONE!

11:30 pm
went over to the Wheelers' place for an impromptu Pac-Man/Pole Position party with the rest of the gang. let me just say that until you have played Pole Position on a fifty inch flat-screen tv you cannot truly call yourself a nerd.

12:30 am
played Celebrity. played Bands in the Round. got attacked by a nocturnal bird.

12 am-2:30 am
made jokes about Tracey Gold, Kirk Gibson, Tatyana M. Ali, 'Frank Fontana' from Murphy Brown, and the new tv show i want to produce...

MTV CRIBS: ANNE FRANK

do you love it?
5 comments|post comment

i did it!!! [02 Jul 2007|11:22pm]
that's right, my bar exam results came in the mail today.

I PASSED!!!!

huzzah, i'm going to law it up, michigan!

leave all compliments/legal questions in the comments section.

i knew i could do this. thank you all for supporting me over the last three years.
maybe now that i'm done studying, we can actually hang out. :P
11 comments|post comment

'The Charms of An Angel,' or, 'This Is Seriously Like the Fifth Time' [11 Jun 2007|10:34pm]
so on saturday night i got wasted at the elk's lodge. i got kicked out for not taking off my hat. you know, because clearly nothing signals gang involvement quite like a fedora and suspenders. have we learned nothing from Andre 3000? this is why i should never kick it in bars where the entire staff has been bussed in from eastside detroit. thug lyfe, y'all!

so then i went home and ordered some fresh burritos and ate them. some kid delivered them on rollerblades. YES, ROLLERBLADES! and then i was so full and i put on my pajamas and my stocking cap and climbed into my canopy bed when all of sudden, BOOM! my Sidekick starts blowin' up with texts.

stranger: do you want to make out with a guy in skinny jeans

i did not recognize this number so i wrote back:

mccullen: totally yes

stranger: what time and where
mccullen: meet me at the river
mccullen: okay, funny. who is this?
stranger: lets just say i deliver more than burritos


hahahahahaha

mccullen: oh
mccullen: i'm going to sleep now.
burrito deliverer: okay, sleep well


i am not fucking with you. this actually fucking came to pass. AGAIN. this is seriously, like, the fifth time.

it's almost as though i have a magic penis that somehow effortlessly taps into the libidos of blokes in the food service industry.

that said, i shouldn't really be surprised; my whole life is so completely shitty that it would figure that if and when God decided to gift me with a penis possessed of magical powers, all it would be able to do would be seduce dudes who smell like a deep-fryer.

with sweat on it.

ew.
8 comments|post comment

The Perfect First Date [09 Jun 2007|08:39pm]
8 comments|post comment

from David Alan Grier to 'What The Fuck?' [16 May 2007|12:27am]
so i was watching the Tavis Smiley Show on PBS tonight and tomorrow's guest is Lily Allen.

can someone tell me what the fuck that shit is about?
2 comments|post comment

crawl and cache [05 May 2007|12:27am]
i just googled these and no results! can you believe it? so here you go.

"Michelle Malkin is a dicknuts"

"Michelle Malkin's love udders have cancer"

"Michelle Malkin is into gas mask porn"
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I THROW ACID IN YOUR FACE!!! [21 Apr 2007|07:13pm]
AND IT BURNS UP YOUR FACE!!!!!!!!!!

BOOM!

NO FACE ON YOUR HEAD!!!!

burned up when I THREW ACID ON YOUR FACE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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some giant photos [09 Apr 2007|10:13pm]
giant photos after the jumpCollapse )
2 comments|post comment

too long have i lived alone [16 Mar 2007|09:34pm]
there was a waterbug on my bedroom wall

(spoken aloud to no one) how do i blast that fucker
(runs to bathroom, returns)
(spoken aloud to bug) FUCKER YOU'RE ABOUT TO GET BLASTED
(blasts fucker)*

*sprays wall with Lemon-Scented Scrubbing Bubbles Antibacterial Soap-Scum Remover

(blogs about it)
5 comments|post comment

'Butchin' it up,' or 'Three's Company' [01 Mar 2007|11:22pm]
i just pushed a neighbour's car uphill out of an icy ditch in our shared backyard. yeah, i know- surprise, surprise; MCCULLEN is a huge jock and tasks like this come easy to him. i am pretty masculine [case in point: i only wear Gaultier's clear mascara]. however, the comcomitant hard-on i got after successfully moving an automobile with my (calfskin opera-length gloved) hands precluded sleeping, so i began to ruminate with regard to a question that has been plaguing me for the last couple of days.

Cover Girl has got Queen Latifah, and Revlon's brand identity is practically centred around Halle Berry.

Q. what the hell is Jennifer Hudson going to do for a career?
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